This is usually the part of the day, where I announce my book for this week and give a review for the last…..
I’m not doing that today.
I don’t need to come up with thirteen reasons for it, because there’s just one:
I said so.
Mean? Harsh? I know, I know. It’s just, a little variation can be such a good thing. And honestly, it’s been a loaded week. A loaded read.
I’m in desperate need of unwinding. (Don’t worry, everything will be back to normal next week. I promise. Maybe)
So here it is. What I do to let loose-
After I watch something that sucks the joy out of life… let’s just say I’m not in the mood to jump into the arms of Mickey Mouse.
I want action. I want some butt kicking. And I want some cracked nuts.
Mom, you’re not going to be able to see any of these. Because this upcoming list isn’t showcasing my inner “Disney princess, cotton candy, rainbow, unicorns, girly girl”. It’s the war cry of a nerd, with a thirst for justice and well-deserved kicks to the crotch. (Covertly high fives to dad or husband. Whoever’s closer.)
Here are thirteen movies and tv shows to see after reading and/or watching something super depressing: (or just when you have an eagerness for blood and violence)
1. Jack Reacher/ Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
Rule number one to a good action flick: guns are too easy. Would it be more realistic for the hero to shoot the bad guy in the head instead of having some epic fist fight in the rain? Maybe. But I don’t care about realistic! Not here! I want the dirt-baggy guys to suffer. I want revenge best served cold with a side order of a knuckle sandwich ! I want to see one guy’s face being beaten the crap out of with another dude’s head!
And while we’re at it, give me witty one-liners that make me root for the hero even more.
Violence meter- 👊👊👊👊👊
2. Man on Fire
This one starts off slow. But it’s worth it. Oh, oh so worth it. I can’t even tell you how worth it is. So I won’t. Just go see it.
Violence meter- 🎇🎇🎇
3. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Arguably THE BEST TERMINATOR movie. It’s gritty and action-y and liquid metal cop was the stuff of nightmares! (But, also pretty freaking awesome) Speaking of one-liners: I’LL BE BACK
Violence meter- 🔫🔫🔫🔫
4. Daredevil (Netflix, duh)
Season one. Wilson Fisk. Season two. The Punisher. Need I say more?
Violence meter- (you can’t see them cause he’s blind. Get it?! 🙈)
5. Deadpoo… I mean Logan!
This movie fulfilled all superhero nerd dreams! It was gory. It was violent. It was beautiful! Finally, a movie that does wolverine some claw shooting through a skull bloody justice. We’re sad to see Hugh Jackman go, but talk about a grand finale!
Violence meter- 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 (the closest to his retractable adamantium hand blades.)
6. Edge of Tomorrow
Seriously? Another Tom Cruise one?! HECK YEAH! Not only do we get to see people die over and over in hilarious ways, there’s something about how Cruise plays a character opposite of his usual type. Plus, it’s a great little Sci-fi piece. Probably the cleanest one on this list too. (Don’t quote me on that though.)
Violence meter- 👽👽👽
If I were kidnapped by some bad people, I’d hope my dad or husband would react the same way Liam Neeson does. And if they don’t, I will gladly stab a jerk in the leg with an electrified, metal rod and watch him dance myself!
Violence meter- ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️
8. Die Hard
It’s a classic for a reason, and one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time. What a way to appreciate your friendly, neighborhood cop too! Yippie… nope, can’t finish that. Bad, Ciara. Bad.
Violence meter- 👮🏻🎅🏻👮🏻🎅🏻
9. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Between the “I am one with the force, the force is with me. I am one with the…” dude and totally kick butt Darth Vader, what’s not to love? Star Wars has always been good with chopping off limbs and force choke holds, but there’s something about this one that touches my murderous little heart. Also, bonus points for a strong female lead! #yougogurl
Violence meter- 🤖🤖🤖
10. 13 Hours
I’m breaking my “gun violence is the easy way out in action flicks” with this exception. (Maybe just a few more, too) Two words- Jacked Jim. Not only is this movie based off an inspiring, heroic true story… it brought back The Office on steroids. Because who doesn’t love dorks turned hunks!
Violence meter- 💪💪💪💪
11. Magnificent Seven
Speaking of dorky hunks, making the big bucks- Chris Pratt did an excellent job in this role! (Not really all that surprising) Alongside Denzel Washington, Vincent D’Onofrio, and many others, this was a cast match made in heaven. In fact, this has to be the most spiritual movie on this list. What with the witnessing whilst stabbing a man to death. Lol
Violence meter- 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
Tallahassee is not a fun place to be. It’s traffic is a nightmare and the wait for Chipotle is about a thousand years. But Tallahassee the person, in this comedy-horror, now he’s the kind of guy you stick around for. A funny take on the apocalypse with a killer cast, it’s sure to leave your gorey cravings… satisfied. Violent meter- 🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗
Now, here are a few honorable mentions:
The Walking Dead (Gore, check. Human violent interactions, check. Killing off annoying character, check check check)
Arrow (preferably season one, when he’s not a wuss and actually kills people)
Cooties (a zombie movie to see after being around terrible children. Just, don’t go to a park at dusk. Don’t. Do. It.)
Captain America: Civil War (the motorcycle flip still gives me goose bumps)
Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downy Jr version/ visually, a stunner)
The Dark Knight (ONLY for the Joker. Sorry Christian Bale. Lego Batman was better 😝)
Knight and Day (Yes, throwing in a rom com here. Variety=good!)
Suicide Squad (HAHAHAHA, just kidding)
Deadpo…(I mean, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh)
13. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
While it’s more known for the Sci-Fi stuff and witty humor- this movie has some rather gratifying action sequences. My particular favorites are done by Michael Rooker’s Yandu. Just, such a well-done masterpiece of a movie.
Also, has an element of non-nauseating cuteness in the form of a Baby Groot
Violence Meter: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT
*Photos courtesy of Pinterest.com
Any action movies I left out? I’d love for my brain to be refreshed. So, by all means, leave them in the comments down below. Except John Wick. You sick monsters!